Hmmm, yesterday. Well, what can I say? I had kids who made me cards and bought me flowers and cleaned the house---and it was awesome. Then, I had my wayward son who called and made my day.....for a bit. Then, we had to talk again and I learned that he spent the day with his friends, even the married woman, and that he lied to me earlier on the first phone conversation. He let it be known that his friends mean everything to him; and I mean nothing.
It was a hard mother's day, for sure. (Also, I drove 5 hours to see my parents who are in the hospital--yes, both of them. My dad had a stroke and is incapacitated)
It's over....but, the pain lingers. So, today, I have stayed in bed to the middle of the afternoon.
That's how I've coped today. Someday, I won't feel this pain. But, for now, I do. And this is how I'm coping----in pajamas, in bed.
Write me more.....I love to hear how you have made it through the tough times.
Tell me more.
It was a hard mother's day, for sure. (Also, I drove 5 hours to see my parents who are in the hospital--yes, both of them. My dad had a stroke and is incapacitated)
It's over....but, the pain lingers. So, today, I have stayed in bed to the middle of the afternoon.
That's how I've coped today. Someday, I won't feel this pain. But, for now, I do. And this is how I'm coping----in pajamas, in bed.
Write me more.....I love to hear how you have made it through the tough times.
Tell me more.
We are here leaking tears out of our eyes and putting one single foot in front of the other. Rob's dad passed away yesterday. He was 84 and everyone would say that it was "his time." Not for Rob. He LOVED his dad. He was his best friend, confidant, advisor and number one supporter. He went over there two times a week to just sit and talk and enjoy being with him. Seeing my husband with tears streaming down his face today is beyond words. We have a ridiculously hard week or I think staying in bed would be definitely a good option.
ReplyDeleteI am praying for you Marsha as you grieve. I'm so sorry.
Lift up the Lost Boys. The ones with no dads to grieve and no moms to hurt. This week Brady's mom and dad are going into the pit to rescue him out. Pray that the doors will be flung wide open and the darkness will be forced to flee.
Love you. Julia
Oh, dear, you DO mean so much to your young prodigal - otherwise, he would not have called you. Neither call would have occurred, for even with the hurtful words and lies and claims, if you were not significant in his life - crucially so, in fact - he would be able to simply let go without any difficulty and move on to whatever random place the wind take him.
ReplyDeleteHe didn't do that. He may think he wants to do it, and may try as hard and as hurtfully as he can - but he can't let go.
So - hold him in your heart and in your prayers as you would hold sand in your hand; lightly, gently, without grasping or holding too tightly.
Strange that it hurts so much and requires so much strength to hold someone so gently, isn't it? It's rather like holding a fragile, flawed, vulnerable but much cherished, rare treasure...which of course is exactly what he is.
The great thing is that holding him in your heart in faith gives strength, wisdom and comfort.
I sound a lot wiser than I am, and need to remind myself of all these things, as our family's own prodigal has just posted yet more easily disprovable falsehoods about her long-suffering mother, whom she refuses to see but continues to slander. She convinces herself, against all rational evidence, that her sad version of her own desperately assumed and embraced role as a victim of "abuse" is the truth...so I hold her lightly and at a safe distance, pray for her, and for her mother and other immediate family members - and for myself and my unsought role in this ongoing conflict.
It doesn't keep me from feeling extreme frustration and frequently exasperation and anger with her, but I also know that her disorder has many components and there's no way I can unsnarl or resolve them. I feel so much pity for her... and grieve over the loss of the sweet, bright, promising child she once was. And I remember that her poor choices and their outcomes are the results of her own free will, not what I'd or anyone who truly loves her would wish for her...
It's not easy, and far, far harder when it's your child rather than your more distant relative...
So - hold the sand gently and let time and prayer do their work. Focus on the good in other areas of your life, while you wait for time and prayer to do their work. Don't give in to despair...believe in and hold to the good.
I wish you and your family all good things...
Hugs,
Susan in Ky
Cousin to 2 from U.
Feeling your pain as an adoptive mother. My 19 year old, who had moved back home after moving out once, got mad on the Sunday before mother's day and moved out with a friend. It's so hard to see them make bad choices and throw away potential. I have 4 adopted ones that are now adults that have made bad choices. I don't have answers. But through this I feel like I have a better understanding of the heart of God. We pour our lives into these kids, then when they reject us and the faith we tried to teach them it is very hurtful and discouraging. Then I think of God who poured out his blood for us and we reject his offering and turn to the the world instead. How that must also break his heart and how quickly he runs to meet us when we return.
ReplyDeleteI don't really have answers. I do know, even though we can offer unconditional love, sometimes we have to let them deal with the consequences of their choice. For me, that meant watching our adopted son and his wife live in a car for several weeks during the winter. I was fostering their three little girls who were taken away, and although we had helped them 2 times to get a place to stay they didn't follow through with what they needed to do to keep it. It was a hard lesson for them. But now they have their girls home and have mantained a place since then.
May God give you strength to place this child in his hands and step back. Pray for God to send other people into his life to reach him with what he will not hear from you now. You were a planter of seed in his heart and maybe someday, by the Grace of God it will bear fruit.
That is my hope also for my children.
I am just in consistent prayer for you
ReplyDeleteOh, Marsha, I don't know what I can say to make you feel better, but know that I understand your pain! My very wayward Russian daughter was deployed to Afghanistan on Mother's Day and not only didn't tell me she was being deployed, but didn't say goodbye, much less wish me a happy mother's day... I too, know the pain that these kids can bring. I just latch on to the kids that DO appreciate me and love me and try to focus on them, though it is hard sometimes. If she only knew how much I loved her and was devoted to her, but am unable to show it because she pushes me away so firmly.
ReplyDeleteBless your heart! You are not alone; please e-mail me if you want to talk more. mjtaborn@cfl.rr.com . God bless you;
Missy
http://ourfamilybouquet.blogspot.com
Are you still there, Marsha?
ReplyDeleteMay peace be with you.
May the ALMIGHTY power of God restore your life and your children.
May He raise you up and carry you through all your unutterable pain.
Love in Christ,
Cristina S.
Notice it has been nearly 3 months since you wrote. Miss reading your updates but still praying for you.
ReplyDelete