I don't pretend to think that my life is important enough for anyone to follow, but I do want to explain my long absence from writing, just in case you wondered. It's all just about dealing with life. So many of you have commented that you are on the same path that I am currently on. It's really tough, isn't it? It does seem, though, that the stories I hear from others is that they, the prodigals, always come back around to some kind of relationship---even if it takes years. I haven't written much, even for my own sanity. Sometimes words are just too real to put down on paper. But, one night, in my grief, I did write these words. I'm praying for all of ya'll's prodigals, too. Let's stick together!
Sable moonlight....cry!
My soul falls to deep, deep dark,
I cry aloud for you.
A Life was given for me, and for you,
and now I offer mine.
My life is yours, take it all.
I cry in day, I cry at night,
I only want you back.
Heart of my heart, my soul tied to yours,
this pain I bear won't stand,
for more, more, more dark or alone,
I only want you back.
Sable moonlight
touches me through
walks of windy grief.
I cry and cry; I cry alone,
I only want you back.
Sable moonlight .....cry.
Yes, we are still here. Your long silence on this page has been observed and noticed. It has been a long time since More Coffee.
ReplyDeleteYes, many of us have felt and some are still feeling the raw pain you are battling. It is something you fight every second of every hour of every day. It is not one of those things that is forgotten for minutes at a time as you push through your day. I know that is true for me.
Can I tell you one of mine? One of the most heart-wrenchingly honest things I ever had to do was to learn once that the person I thought had hurt ME was not the true problem, but that I myself had superimposed my own fearful suspicions and assumptions galore and that I had completely misread, misunderstood, and distorted the situation. I nearly lost this person at that time because of my own mistaken understanding of his intentions. I had imagined unfaithfulness, infidelity, insincerity, and I had come to fear that all that he did and said was part of a big joke at my expense. All of my own fears, insecurities, and hasty assumptions turned out to be wrong. After some months of fretting, I confronted him with these things and through painful, lengthy, and careful discussion and sharing I came to understand that *I* had hurt HIM with my doubts and hurtful words. (I had written a letter to him telling him of all my fears... no, accusing him, actually; I was so ashamed of that letter later that I took it from him and crumpled it.) My assumptions had created a terrible barrier between us that separated us. It was painful for me to realize that that separation had been unnecessary and that it was because of my assumptions.
I don't know why I told all of that. It was on my mind because it is one of the more recent pains. And even if you have not experienced this same form of struggle, I know you will understand it.
Much love to you, Marsha, in your hours and days.
Cristina S.
Cristina,
ReplyDeleteThank you so very much for your words. We are all a big mess, aren't we? I seem to be on the opposite end of the spectrum with this child, most times at least. I seem to always think the best when I should have thought the worst. Then I am completely stunned and paralyzed when I find the truth. Of course, I do think that I am, from now on, going to always assume the worst because it's always been worse than what I could possibly dream up myself! Oh, it is so bad right now! I do understand all of your pain. There is comfort in knowing that we are not alone. So many of us.....there's just so many of us! Bless you Cristina S.
I lack appropriate words, but you are in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDelete